you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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