mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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