I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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