then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
