Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
