I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
