I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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