Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
