a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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