pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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