dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
