Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
