Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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