Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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