Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
