Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
