wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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