I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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