Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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