I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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