"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
