The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
