My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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