My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
