remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
