If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
