I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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