we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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