I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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