Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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