I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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