there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
