I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
worst night to have a conscience
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
