I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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