yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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