there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
