a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
