Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
