i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
