Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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