I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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