Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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