I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
