Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she peed on how many people?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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