Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
