If you die in college, do you die in real life?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
