it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
