I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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