So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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