It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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