Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
