you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
