dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
