A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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