This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
