Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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