Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
