Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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