I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
