i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
