The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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