You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
