She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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