dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
