Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.