I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...