I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.