bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.