Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
