I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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