We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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