we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
