I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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