My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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