Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
