Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
