My sheets look like a crime scene.
Welp...herpes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
