My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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