I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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