Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
